Draw Me Like One of Your Altissian Girls
by Strange and Intoxicating -rsa
Summary: Kink Meme Prompt: In the bold tradition of Final Fantasy VII, somebody needs to have an erotic experience with a cactuar. They also need to enjoy it. An enjoyable erotic experience with a cactuar. The Chocobros take on a mob hunt that leaves Prompto Confused. A little Cactuar makes everything so much better (and way weirder.) Prompto/Cactuar, OT4 (Trust me, just read it.)


Draw Me Like One of Your Altissian Girls

By: Strange and Intoxicating -rsa-

Author Notes: Originally I wasn't going to post this under my real name, but then... Well. Fuck it. This is pure, unadulterated crack. Just judge me all you want, because I can't even judge myself at this point. No Cactuars were damaged or abused in the making of this fic.

Kink Meme Prompt: In the bold tradition of Final Fantasy VII, somebody needs to have an erotic experience with a cactuar. They also need to enjoy it. An enjoyable erotic experience with a cactuar.

* * *

 **Draw Me Like One of Your Altissian Girls**

"It seems Prompto is a bit touched."

And boy, does Prompto know it. It feels like his entire head is about ten seconds from either imploding or exploding into a miasma of colors and sounds. This is all his fault; he should have trusted Iggy when the man told him to put on the Rainbow Pendant. But it's too late now, because he's pretty sure his body is already floating into space.

"I'm gunna be an astronaut," Prompto tells Noctis, who shoves him past the glowing runes of the haven. They had gotten a special hunt from the Crow's Nest for a pack of Cactuars, and even Ignis didn't think it was going to be a hard hunt. If Prompto was playing a video game, he's sure that Cactuars would be like… level ten, maybe level fifteen. Tops.

It wasn't that the Cactuars were difficult to kill, because they weren't… Just… Prompto expected maybe twenty of them.

Not ninety-nine.

Ninety-nine Six-cursed Cactuars.

Prompto never wants to see a Cactuar again. Really, never ever wants to see one again. And he especially never wants to see one of their needles again, because he's pretty sure Iggy and Gladio are gunna have to hold him down while Noctis pulls out the needles stuck in his ass.

"You guys are good friends," Prompto admits as he feels someone—Noctis?— push him into the tent. "Very good boyfriends, too."

"Look, Prom. We ran out of remedies. You have to stay here while we get the rest of the Cactuars," Noctis says, but Noctis has five noses.

Prompto leans forward and boops it with his index finger, watching as the crinkles on Noctis's nose becomes the sea and Leviathan is swimming right there on the bridge.

"Ahoy, Hydraen!" Prompto laughs.

"I thought you were an astronaut?"

"Astronaut-pirate," Prompto retorts, and it's the funniest thing he's said all week because he can feel the tears of mirth streaming down his face as he holds onto his sides. The laughs just keep coming and Leviathan jumps from nose to nose. "Argh!"

"You just… don't move. We'll see what we can do," Noctis says as he exits, and Prompto is sad that the Astral has gone with him.

Oh, well.

Prompto kicks off one of his boots, lays down on his side and closes his eyes. It makes the world stop spinning for a time, but then…

Nudge.

Nudge nudge.

Prompto cracks his eye open. Nothing.

Nudge.

He turns his head when he feels something ghost against his back. Nothing.

Prompto wonders if it's Noctis again, but… he can't see anything behind him.

The third time it nudges him, Prompto finally twists entirely around and he sees it. It couldn't have been more than a foot, maybe two feet tall, the green of its skin reminding Prompto eerily of the color of grass. The fine lines trickled down its skin in perfect little grooves, little arms and legs bent at odd angles.

Then it reaches forward and pulls out one of the needles stuck in Prompto's shoulder..

Nudge.

"Oh, you're helping me?" Prompto asks, and the little Cactuar nods its head. "You're cute." It kinda is, in a strange way; the little sounds it's making remind Prompto of something, and he reaches out to try and brush his thumb against the Cactuar, but it jumps out of the way.

"Why'd you do that?" Prompto asks, but the Cactuar says nothing. Well, Prompto thinks it says nothing, because Cactuars can't speak. Obviously.

The Cactuar reaches out and with the tip of his green arm and taps Prompto's belt. The metal buckle clicks and Prompto can only shuffle on top of the blanket.

"Why do you want that?" Prompto asks, and the Cactuar taps it again.

Well, okay.

Prompto reaches down and pulls open his buckle, then the zipper and the button. Something digs into the skin on his side and Prompto winces, but the little Cactuar seems to be patiently waiting. He quickly shimmies his pants down and the Cactuar jumps up toward the boot still on his foot. It nudges its head against Prompto's foot like a reminder.

"Okay, okay, little guy," Prompto says. He kicks the pants down and somehow manages to get them and the boot off. Whew, it took far more energy than he was expecting and Prompto flops backward onto the soft blankets. It takes a fair amount of energy to not just close his eyes and fall asleep, which is what he really wants to do. But the little Cactuar isn't letting him sleep.

No, no it definitely isn't.

Nudge. Nudge. Nudge.

Prompto cracks an eye to look at the Cactuar again, but this time… The Cactuar is laying on the blankets next to him, and its pose makes Prompto laugh. Arm under its head, legs crossed, other arm resting upon its hip…

"I need a picture of this," Prompto laughs and he reaches down to get his phone from his pocket. Oh, right. No pants.

It takes Prompto a minute to pull himself together long enough to get his cell phone from his pockets. The screen is fuzzy (and Prompto runs his fingers over the surface because his phone has never been so soft before) but Prompto manages to get a few good pictures. The Cactuars they just raided were the same lovely shade of green, and it reminds Prompto of something he just can't put his finger on. The Cactuar's mouth and eyes are pitch black but it's weird because they look so very kind and inviting.

This is all weird, because they weren't very kind and inviting a few minutes ago when they were shooting him and the other guys with needles, but…

The Cactuar turns and Prompto lets go of his camera, instead reaching up to gently pet the needles on top of its head. It was soft, like downy feathers, and Prompto lets himself fall into the sensual feeling of what should be hard and painful being so gentle.

"Oh, little guy," Prompto mutters, and the Cactuar gently nudges him again, but this time… this time Prompto knows what it wants. "But you're not my Chocobrooos. What should I call you? Cactii?"

The Cactuar tilts its head to the side and Prompto realizes that he's not sure if the Cactuar actually has eyes and a mouth or it it were just black pools of color. He reaches out and lets his finger slip inside of the Cactuar's mouth, and… it's soft and warm, so enticing and very much inviting.

It's strange how quickly Prompto's body reacts to the Cactuar. As far as he can remember, there's never been a time where he has ever been interested in Cactuars or any kind of monster, to be honest. Sure, Gladio's cock is big, but even then…

Noctis tells the Cactuar this little nugget of information as he slides his fingers into the open, wet hole of where Prompto can only assume is its mouth. It seems the Cactuar likes Prompto's touch. It makes a small noise, something that rings a slight bell in the back of Prompto's head, but all he can do is watch with rapt fascination. He can't see a tongue but he can definitely feel it.

"You like that?" Prompto asks, and he's not sure that he himself is enjoying the situation as much at the Cactuar. No, that isn't true… he can feel himself becoming a little hot behind the ears and his underwear are getting a little in the way. "I think I like that," he admits in half awe.

It responds by cooing something out (since when do Cactuars coo? But then again, since when were needles soft?) and Prompto slips another finger into its black abyss. It's strange because his fingers are touching what isn't there… "You're magic, aren't you Cactii?" It makes sense, because the Cactuar winks at him and Prompto falls backward and away from the Cactuar, laughing all the way down.

The Cactuar climbs on top of Prompto and he allows it, lifting his hands up to run against the soft spikes on top of its head. It uses its small, green legs to nudge at Prompto's underwear and Prompto helps out. Not having thumbs or small enough appendages makes things like elastic difficult.

Cactii rests its cute, green little face against Prompto's thigh, and its warm breath against his soft skin makes Prompto shiver. The little Cactuar's big, black eyes were so imploring as it slowly slid its green arm up Prompto's leg. It gently brushed away a few small Cactuar needles from his skin, and it was a relief to feel them come loose.

"Yeah, that's… that's good," Prompto mutters as the Cactuar gets closer and closer to his sensitive cock. Cactii nudges the hem of Prompto's shirt and Prompto sits up just a little to pull it up and off him. He can feel some of the needles are stuck pretty deep inside of him, but it's difficult to think of the aching pain when the little green Cactuar is being so gentle.

And then there's a sudden, agonizing pain in his leg and then there's a blast of color.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow," Prompto cries. He can see Eos exploding in color and sound and oh, wow this really fucking _hurts_ and then— "Cactii, stop!"

There's a soft mouth swallowing down his cock down to the base, and Prompto can't understand how it feels like bliss. He lets out a little keen and rocks his hips up frantically into the Cactuar's mouth, fisting the sheets. It feels good and right in comparison to all the pain that his leg feels, and it's strange how he can compartmentalize both feelings.

The little Cactuar has his cock in its mouth down to the base, and Prompto watches in absolute fascination as he sees the faint outline of his dick pressing against the back of the Cactuar's head every time it bobs down. So, so weird.

All of this is weird but Prompto pushes that back into the recesses of his mind. The Cactuar's soft, squishy arms are touching at his waist and he surrenders himself to the sensations. Cactii's mouth contracts around him and it's the first time that Prompto realizes that…

"You've got a cute face," Prompto mutters and lets go of the blankets and instead wraps his fingers around the back of the Cactuar's head. The little markings around its eyes, barely noticeable dark green circles around his eyes, makes Prompto smile. "A real cute face."

He feels breath on him and another spike of pain from his back when another needle comes free, but that exquisitely hot, tony Cactuar mouth on him.

"Have you ever done this before?" Prompto moans as the Cactuar tightens around his cock and he has to remind himself not to choke the thing. "You're so good at this…"

A tickle of air reminds Prompto that they're in the tent and he turns to see another two Cactuars come into the tent. Not a very good haven, huh.

"Your buddies want to watch," Prompto says as he guides the Cactuar into a slow, leisurely pace. "That's 'kay. Let them be jealous. You're the only one for me, Cactii." Prompto lets go of the Cactuar's head and runs its fingers on the markings. It's cold like ice.

But everything else is so warm and the other Cactuars are getting closer. Prompto doesn't think they want to hurt him, because they're not shooting him full of needles. Actually, when they get close enough Prompto realizes that their green hands on him are helping. They're pulling out needles and he feels his skin reacting to their supple skin.

And the Cactuar between his legs makes some kind of sound when one of the other Cactuars comes close to Prompto's leg, but it's not in a language that Prompto understands because Prompto doesn't speak Cactuar.

Prompto can feel his body getting heavier and heavier, his hips jerking up to meet the Cactuar's mouth. He can feel it building in his stomach. He surrenders into the orgasm and lets it take him. He slams his eyes closed when he feels something on his leg again in the place that hurt, but then there's just the bliss of the Cactuar and the passion they shared, and Prompto allows that little Cactuar to suck and suck and suck until there's no more cum inside of him and he feels like he's a boneless chocobo flopping around on the tent floor.

Then there's something strong, a smell that makes Prompto choke, and he opens his eyes and chokes. He sees Noctis's face to his left, only without any Leviathan on his is on his right. There's a small pile of Cactuar needles in his hand.

But there's still a mouth on his softening cock, and Prompto looks down to see not a Cactuar, but Ignis. His mouth is still gently working Prompto's cock clean, an entire ocean of Cactuar needles surrounding them. There's a red splotch of skin on Prompto's upper leg where Ignis's fingers are gently massaging the skin around it.

Oh.

Ignis finally lets go of his cock, his lips red and metal glasses askew. The coif at the top of his head has had better days, and Prompto reaches up to run his fingers through the soft hair. Nothing like needles.

Prompto swallows down his embarrassment when Ignis leans up and kisses him. He can still feel some of the pain in his back, but the worst of the needles are gone and…

"Boys, can you set up the campground? Let me care for Prompto, make sure he's set to rights. The infection in his leg from the poisoned needle still needs to be treated."

Noctis and Gladio take the needles from around the tent as Ignis takes his time to pull out any of the other small needles from Prompto. It's really nice to have Ignis taking care of him, but…

Oh, gods. Prompto feels his face turning into a tomato when Ignis looks at him when the others leave.

"Cactii?" Ignis asks, one perfectly shaped brow raises and Prompto can only groan and hope that the ground below swallows him up. But when he cracks his eye open he can see that Ignis is only fondly looking at him, letting his fingers run across the still tender flesh of his leg. "I would be insulted and worried for your mental wellbeing if not for your nasty bout of infection," Ignis says, but the curl at his mouth says otherwise.

"Never talk about this," Prompto begs, and Ignis's smile widens as he adjusts his glasses. Bright green eyes the color of grass stare back.

"Only if you promise to never call me Cactii again."

Prompto nods his head and accepts the soft kiss to his forehead. "Deal."

It's only a few weeks later when Prompto's checking his phone's old pictures that he finds the pictures from that day.

He keeps the picture of Ignis posing with one hand cradling his head, legs crossed, other hand on his hip.

He makes it his background.

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I'm going to hell.

 **Please review!**


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